The Traveller

Re-inventing the Norm

2009-12-26T22:46:00.002+05:30

After my last post you may have realized that I have tragically entered no-man's land again this time by a bank that has been Obama-sized. In case you have not paid attention to the world in the recent past or have been rudely awakened from a Coma; what you have missed out on dear readers is the Obama-sization (Please check on Google for current president of America and you will understand).

What has currently happened is that there is an African-American president who has put some of the largest banks of the country on Welfare. There was a time when I worked in Equity Research and felt like I was working in the Rock-Star of Finance related areas. Equity Research was cool, happening, it had all the excitement of a first date and guarantee of landing on second base.

Today we wake up to a different kind of Equity Research, every date is a prolonged courtship period, a lot of understanding, with your clients asking you questions.... Is this going anywhere? Will you marry me? Do you picture me with kids? They don't seem interested in our fables, our fantasies, and our story telling, or our stature. They want commitment, understanding, love and facts.

The playing field has evolved, not a lot has changed since they still lead our lives; its just some commitment issues that they are more concerned about. I have always been a fair believer that change is good, its important for the Darwinian Evolution.

This change; however, puts brings down the rock-star to mere mortal status. It's like Superman with his glasses on, it's clumsy, unfortunate, boring, and a lot of hard work to get the love from Lois Lane. It's like bringing down the Rock-star to Porn Star status... initially our name was enough to sell, now its our talents.

It's a lot of work to get back to the grind, when you've been alien to it for such a long time..... If anyone else has felt this is actually happening shoot back in the comments :)

Back to Basics!!!

2009-11-28T22:06:00.004+05:30

Today I write a post to welcome myself back to the world of Blogging!! Boy it's been a long time. So lets see whats happened in the past 2 years..... hmm not a lot. The world's become a funner place I can definately vouch for that. :)

So today we shall talk about the Recession and the many weird things that are associated with it. Prior to this recessionary period you may all recall I worked at a Bank in the Equity Research Department. It became very obvious that this recession wasn't my fault as I believe someone would be completely out of their minds if they ever believed in me or my research.

But then again I am a charming motha-fucka!!! I don't blame them for believing in me; even though they ought to know better. There are days I feel I can sell shit wrapped in tin foil to the Queen; now you have to be really good to do that. I know, I know you are all probably thinking how can you sell shit to the Queen... doesn't she have Bodyguards and loads of freebies. That my friends is a figure of speech and was said by a very wise man once. Okay, okay the Wise n' Modest Man in this case is your's truly, ME. Hahahahh (Evil Laugh for Effect).

Somewhere over the course of these two years I lost this so-called "Charm" of mine. I just don't know where it went... I lost two jobs in some of the most wonderfully recessionary years of my generation. That taught me the difference between a "Recession" and a "Depression." A "Recession" is when your neighbor loses their job, When you lose your job its called "Depression."

Therefore I was going through something called a "Depression," it was magical. After all those years of hard-work the big man up there decided I should take a break. Bah, break-shmake, I didn't want any break. I wanted a job that paid MOOLAH and sit with other Anals (Anals is the Cutesy term we use in the I-Banking world for Analysts). I like Analysts, they feel that there is no other viewpoint in the world but theirs... and they can be completely wrong on their views. Imagine meeting a person who disagrees with everything you have to say and then wants you to agree with everything they think. The nerve of these people.

Can you all imagine the Egos of these Analysts? The Anal Ego is big, uncaring and selfish. What we want is the ability to pass on subliminal messages or be able to hypnotize you to buy the shit we tell you to. We are like Chris Angel (not so magical and mysterious though) who wants you all to dance at our every tune. We say bend over; You ask How Much? That is the Anal World.

For Obvious reasons most Anals are not loved very much by other departments in a Bank. Therefore, for the sanity of those around us Banks have come up with the Chinese Wall. The Chinese Wall basically states that no two departments who might be attracted to each other should sit together. It's kinda like not flirting with the hot girl you are attracted to because the mystique would be lost (Your's not her's cause she will still be hot and you will always be intrigued by her) . Therefore Sales (People who sell Anal Shit) do not sit with Anals; I guess they want our jobs to seem more complicated than it really is.

So it seems my side of the Chinese Wall was crumbling. Trust me it's nothing like the Berlin Wall coming down... no tears of joy and victory to Capitalism. This was more like 2012... the shit had hit the ceiling and you were just worried about if you were next to be hit.

So the 9 months of my Depressionary environment have been very interesting. I've done a lot of reading and I had something like the Midas touch, and everything I touched turned to dust. I wanted to do a course build back some knowledge... course cancelled; applied for jobs..... positions closed due to uncertain economic environment. For some reason my Anal instincts took a hit, I don't think I can sell shit wrapped in tin foil to the Queen anymore.... Weed to Bush Jr. should be easier.

So right when my esteem was at its lowest I get a call from another Bank who feels I am the perfect man for the job.... do you know how that feels. It feels like I just got told that the only way Gisele Bundchen is going to climax is if I am there to please her. The next question was would you be interested... Now who in their right minds would say no to Gisele. So of course I say "Yeah Baby...Shall we Shag Now or Shag Later." (Austin Powers style). They are totally impressed by my Austin Powers imitation and call me in.

Upon testing my Shagadellic skills they inform me that they would be pleased if I could join them. I said Yes, like a girl would say "Yes" on seeing a 10 carat Diamond ring. I hope I didn't sound too deseperate...

The Bachchan franchise

2007-08-14T22:33:00.000+05:30

Background Story...
Long long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away India witnessed an actor Amitabh Bachchan who then became "The Angry Young Man," and is now called "The Big B." I must confess as a child I was a big fan of the B, watched Do aur do paanch to my hearts content.

Big B married that Jaya woman made two babies one of which we have grown to know as Little B aka Abhishek. Little B marries this chick with the plastic face aka Aishwariya also a former Miss World winner.

Chick with the plastic face no emotions has got this thing happening for her she was dating this guy Nature Boy aka Salman, who goes through a string of flops in Bollywood while with her, plastic babe moves on to Vivek Oberoi on whom she has the same effect.

First Family Gathering
Little B stars in a movie called Bunty aur Babli.... more like Bunty aur BubbleGum if you ask me, a very cutesy movie with some cheesy dialogues starring Papa B as a cop chasing Little B and BubbleGum.

Now there is a scene in this movie where Plastic Babe gets the hots for Big B and dances to this song Kajra Re. I guess that’s where Little B becomes a man and becomes Junior B since he's attracted to Plastic Babe. So in effect Love at first fatherly seduction song scene.

First Date
After the whole lovey dovey dance routine in Bunty and BubbleGum Junior B as we now know him follows Plastic Babe to a movie set called Dhoom 2. An action flick where Plastic Babe falls in love with another man and gives mouth to mouth to.

I think this is where Junior B decides that she's an easy chick and best is to get her while she’s stupid and marries her.

The Bachchan Franchise
Post marriage we are looking at this massive Bhagban type family with Big B and JB (Jaya Bachchan actual wife of Big B), heads of the family, Junior B and Plastic Babe. I guess this is where Big B goes for world domination and thinks he controls the Indian film industry.

I am not interested in what happens in the Bachchan family, but I do have a certain script in mind a pot purri of Cheeni Kum and some psycho film. A Note to all reading any further please watch this horrid film called Cheeni Kum. Ok fine if you haven't watched the movie uhmmmmm imagine Lolita but with an Older Woman and a REALLY REALLY OLD MAN. So here's the scene Big B falls in love with Plastic Babe because of his unhappy marriage with JB, but Junior B secretly admires Plastic Babe from a distance.. cause according to Indian film myths we have shy hero's who have this thing against approaching women and the Older Men are so called Tharki's aka nymphomaniacs.

Anywho's along with my story now, Big B madly in love with Plastic Babe and first to find out is JB and judging by how bored she looked in any of her previous films she kills herself in Junior B's house so that the love of her life Big B is not blamed for this vengeful incident, and Big B not being interested in her is not bothered about her absence from the first 10 minutes of the movie on.

Junior B on the other hand is a pervert going through excessive masturbation cycles in bed watching PB being the babe she is and her flirting efforts with the Big B. He decides to kill Big B.

Add a couple of song and dance routines a small police case and The grand finale..... Junior B kills Big B for revenge while the police discover JB's body at Junior B's home so with Big B and JB out of the picture and Junior B going in for life imprisonment Plastic Babe is free to roam the world and spoil someone else's life.

I always knew there was a reason why she married a tree :). Please note: - this is an idea for a script and can only star the actors named above that’s when the irony of it all makes sense.

Grandfathers...

2007-02-12T20:00:00.000+05:30

Whenever the summer's approach I am reminded of my summer vacations, where we would come to India. I was never excited about coming to India, in particular Bombay, its just another place, nothing really exciting. However, somehow summer vacations in India had their own charm. We met family, I love family, its just nice to be with people you can call your own, complain about, hate in some way, but somehow in the back of your mind you know that this person is there for you on D-day.

As a kid excitement in India came whenever we visited our grand parents. It's just the word on it's own that makes it work, GRAND, as in the best. I like grand parents for some weird reason, talking to them makes you realize there was a generation before yours, a land before time so to speak.

Talking to my grandmother's make me feel i'm too old, and I should get married and have a baby factory, cause in their time, they did that before they reached my age. So in a way I guess, I wouldn't be considered cool if I did live in that generation. But, meeting grandmother's is interesting, my maternal granny is a chilled out woman, who lives her life in the most relaxing manner. Though she may not have much, but watching her makes me feel that she would have definitely been very comfortable if she were queen. On the other hand, my paternal granny, she's quite a gung-ho character always in a rush, multi-tasking, aggressive, with some drive or adrenaline rush. I can completely see her overthrowing Hitler and running countries, but alas, she's just never had the chance.

My grandfather's; men amongst men, interesting characters with depth. What's interesting is both my grandfather's share the same name, smoke cigarette's and are very calm by nature. My maternal grand-dad, he was a character that i'm sure everyone enjoyed to be around, he was a tall lanky person and hearing him would make one burst into splits; a great sense of humour. He called me "Sherni ka bachcha," as in Simba or a lioness's cub, made me feel brave and strong when he did.

My paternal grand-dad, he would take me out for a walk, cause granny complained so much about him smoking he needed his time alone with me, so that of course he could smoke, relax and be himself. Funny though, he was so different at home and away from granny, two completely different people. At home he was quiet, outside he was like one of those 60's stars, who'd smoke his cigarette, pose and talk. Tell stories, introduce to his friends, who'd wait for him to come, have drinks etc.

Unfortunately, I never really knew them that well, but I do know and remember the times we'd go to the movies because I loved television, my first love, and we watched television up close and personal when we went to the movies. I'd sit there with my grand-dad with my mouth open amazed by the fact televisions had gotten so big and either grand-father telling me to keep my mouth shut its not polite.

Even today, I love sitting and watching a movie, even when alone I remember those movies we went to. They will always be the best movie buddies i've ever had. Grandfather's are amazing, they love watching you happy, they love spoiling you. I never understood how and why they smiled when they were with me, but today, I am just happy when I see them smile; I love the fact that we accept each other so gracefully, completely understanding each other and our private space.

Today, I have just a paternal grandfather, who can't speak due to a stroke and suffers from Alzeimers. He still smiles when he see's me, I guess he remembers our times together, and now it's my turn to make sure I spoil him. I take my grand dad smokes, light him a cigarette, watch my grandma complain, and I smile, watching him smile.

BollyWood remakes - blah

2007-01-09T18:19:00.000+05:30

Firstly, I would like to apologize to all those people who may not be from the Indian Subcontinent and regular readers of this blog, since this is a topic very much related to the film industry we love to hate most BollyWood.

Very interestingly the Indian film industry has gotten itself into a rut. I say interestingly because I was always amazed by the fact that one story line could be recycled over and over for generations to come until they actually got sick of doing the same story over and over to make the successful similar stories again.

Thereby, the Indian film industry decided to do a remake of Don. Don was a character made famous by the man we all know as "Big B." The original was a very well made movie perhaps a copy of some American movie I've never seen, but nicely done with memorable music and gorgeous women. But, someone decided to re-do this movie, and decided to do it differently, made another man we call "SRK" or Shah Rukh Khan do this movie. Well directed, modern looking, and post-Neo Don was definitely cool-looking, gritty and slightly annoying. I can't imagine SRK being named Don, I can accept him as a Raj or a Rahul, since I strongly believe in type-casted Indian actors. In the end, the movie was alright. (Please bear in mind that my BollyWood reviews are never accurate; movies i call alright, so-so or even utterly despicable have the tendency to become super hits in my country)

Sholay. An Indian cinema classic, a cowboy's and Indian's story (the red-Indian kind), a story that till date surprises me that Salman Khan's daddy actually wrote this. Ram Gopal Verma, a good director in my books is expected to direct this and should be quite interesting to see what his version is to offer us.

My thoughts on remakes

I believe if movies have to be remade, we should exploit the things Bollywood is doing better these days, we make better cheesy movies, we make better soppy movies and we have models and ex-miss India's to act for us.

These are things we should exploit. If I had to make a remake, I'd make a spoof of some horribly serious movie. I wouldn't make a remake of something like Janasheen, which was pretty ludicrously stupid to begin with, I'd make a remake of something serious like Damini, or Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

My Damini remake - My Damini remake would cast a gorgeous woman in the shoes of Meenakshi Sheshadri, like a Bipasha Basu or a Tanushree Dutta; a well built upper body and a leading man like Paresh Rawal, who would be the lawyer. In this movie the story would stay the same, but instead of the 3 hour running length of the original this movie will run for 6 hours. This would mainly be due to the fact we will have gorgeous women wearing today's skimpy clothing and perhaps to add a twist her professional talents include dance bar talent. So therefore the case will be prolonged due to the fact the judge likes seeing this woman in court everyday or in some sick perverted way this 60 year old judge fancies a chance with her, and in the end I would have the judge killed by this woman in court; to end the case and her being sentenced by a gay judge who will run the case with his lover attorney.

My Kuch Kuch Hota Hai remake - I remember watching an interview with Shah Rukh Khan, and he claims before every movie release that this movie is different, like I was watching a fucking Maggie commercial. (Firstly, I believe SRK should be sued for using that line so often from the evil Maggie Ketchup people, or should just hand him a bottle while he does such stupid interviews.) Any typical SRK movie shows him with either two women or another guy and a woman. The story is very simple, everyone loves SRK the guy, the women... everyone!!! But SRK always gets the girl and walks away like a happy man. I believe if this guy really wants to do something different, we will have SRK with two women with both the women showing him affection and eventually the women finding out that they love each other and not the Nepali looking dude and claim their lesbo love for each other. SRK can't handle the fact that this actually happened with him commits suicide and the movie ends with a happy lesbo love song and that my friends in my books will be fucking DIFFERENT!!!

Bollywood and their icky remakes.... BLAH!!!!

And I welcomed 2007 with a BANG!!

2007-01-05T16:07:00.000+05:30

Woo hoo!!! welcome to the year 2007. One of the offerings the coming new year has to offer on the blog would be more of my paranoid/abnormal thinking patterns on the plate. This year promises to be exciting.... at least that's what my astrologer told me mum, so well lets see this year's set of astrological promises.

The astrologer's visit is a family event for us which occurs like new year's on the 1st of January, my dad takes the head chair smoking his cigarette throughout the conversation, with me sitting closest to my dad and my mum by my side. The astrologer sits across from my father and this time the man says...

My stars in the right position for a whole bunch of wonderful stuff to happen. Wooo Hooo!!!!

The DUDE, not God but my astrologer, claims that this year I may finally be married away. On hearing something like that from the astrologers mouth I felt my wonderful roadshow may finally come to an end. For the past year and a half my parents have done a roadshow of me, sometimes I felt like that prized pig that was shown off at the state fair. But, I was no prized pig, if I were I would have been crowned and perhaps even married off at this point in time. My parents on hearing the astrologers wonderful words on marriage looked at me and that look said it all, all I saw in my dad's eyes were Get married or Get castrated, the choice is yours; my mum on the other hand had a look filled with gleeful happiness for she was to acquire a slave of family liking. All in all, it felt like this never ending roadshow will thereby continue.

One of the other interesting things the astrologer pointed to was related to something I was interested in. The DUDE said I will make some more needed moolah and in my ever-demanding life more moolah is all the more welcome. At that point of time in the conversation all I could hear was money and more money and with the DUDE claiming I'll be doing wonderful and this and that blah blah. I felt like that little boy at that candy store staring at all that wonderful candy with a drool that would put a rabied dog to shame.

And of course the last stereotypical astrology question deemed on the health factor, and thats where the DUDE says to take care of myself. I got up from the drool infested greenbacks dream and asked "How?" The DUDE, "said you may see problems." No shit! I'll see problems, isn't health an age related issue. I am sure I'll need some Viagra by the time i'm 65 assuming I'm interested in getting some action. But my current problem was explaining to the DUDE what is the problem, so I asked him, "Am I getting hit by a bus?"

And that's when "BANG" happened my mother's reflex action hit my head, which in turn resulted in my head bobbing forward and my dad's cigarette ash flying into my eye and my mother screaming "Don't say that!!!"

That's where my health problem was, "My mouth"... anyways, Happy New Year!!!

The day i got up laughing...

2006-12-13T11:31:00.000+05:30

Today was that one day in my life I got up not on the wrong side of the bed, not with a smile on my face like some sexual achievement had been conquered, but, laughing..

It was this laughter that one would picture psycho to laugh as. I laughed, just laughed for a full 15 minutes. Today is your lucky day that I plan on sharing what brought such maddening joy.

It was a dream, I know people like to dream about things that bring them peace and happiness, but mine was better than a Russell Peter's show, better than Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock put together. Ok, maybe it wasn't but it was to me..

In my dream now, once upon a time about 20 minutes ago a very flat-chested girl goes to bed very pissed off with the fact she does not possess the orbs that bring so much attention to womenkind and she prays, hopes, begs and pleads to God that women need to be equal to her and then she goes to bed.

The next morning starts in some other woman's bed... a gifted ex-Pamela Anderson of sorts, and you guessed it she wakes up with her most attention grabbing asset.... LOST.

That's when I got up and laughed and laughed and laughed.... cause the possibilities are endless. Women want equality from men, one day they will wake up to start asking equality from each other and then every woman will come with a standard cup size. That may be the result of some other dream, but this dream meant...

Women are no longer the superior creature, we don't have to stare at you, we don't have to talk to you, we have nothing to imagine, Nothing... you are not important to us anymore. Cause a guy with another guy can be normal, not play goody-two-shoes. We can be ourselves and be accepted in society.... and in the famous words of that Scottish fella in Braveheart ..... FREEDOM.

That's when reality hit the ceiling.... I kinda like the milky orbs... FUCK.... what do I do now. I mean if women aren't important I'll be with some guy feeling him ewwww, feeling for man-boobs so to speak. I am not gay, but this sounded disgusting even for a gay guy.

Ok, there is an alternative to this solution perhaps i still get to sleep with a woman, but what do I do for that extremely tender flesh. Hmmmm, I got an idea, I get a guy with man boobs to lie on the side so I have something to hold onto, but Blah, being the homophobic person I am that's not going to work either.

THE WORLD OF CHAPTI's (chapti - a term used to define very flat-chested, nosed, faced people basically the Chinese... please excuse my racist comment here). What the fuck do I look at now, what the hell do I do...

And that's when I turned on the TV to see Baywatch and see Pamela Anderson, and I said to myself Thank God for plastic surgery, and then visited the temple where I wished that bitches or feminists, who want to take away my personally favorite hobby of birdwatching; DIE, and their wishes never come true.

Made me feel that the laughter I experienced in the morning... was that of Psycho.
Perhaps, I am going mad..

The Prestige - Chrissy Nolan at it again

2006-12-11T18:44:00.000+05:30

This weekend I took some time out to watch The Prestige. I know initially I complained about not visiting the movies much this year, but sheer boredom drove me to this one.

I had some fair options to pick from Babul, The Guardian and Prestige. So being an analyst I decided to make an educated decision on picking the movie for the day.

The Conundrum
So, what should it be? Babul.... eh No! Can't watch a movie that sounds so close to a toothpaste and with my dental issues I would hate to be reminded of that through the movie. Plus the movie sounded like it would be another multi-starer home movie, with every family member dancing to some song like they practiced for it for months to make sure it looked good in public. I couldn't think of sitting through something like that. So didn't see Babul.

My next choice The Guardian... Well thinking about a couple of coast guards being played by Kevin Costner and my 70's show star was not going to happen. Simply because the massive poster outside the theatre made me think Ok, Kevin's growing old perhaps he will die in the first 40 minutes and this kid will be somehow responsible and will have to save some sinking ship towards the end. Too Top Gunnish is what I thought.

So thereby was left with the one option of watching Prestige... a movie that sounds like it was made like the pressure cooker.. all raring to go. So the movie stars Michael Caine... goody I like him. Hugh Jackman... my favorite Australian.. yes I like him more than the Crocodile Hunter and Christian Bale... Batman. And to top it all off Christopher Nolan is directing... not a flop yet. Nolan's famous for making movies like Insomnia, Momento, and Batman Begins.. all very well done movies.

So The Prestige it was..

I walked in to watch The Prestige not knowing what to expect the only thing I had read on this was that it was about magicians being pissed off with each other and battling it out. Boy, was I wrong.. should have expected a bit more I guess.

It turns out the movie is about magicians, good magicians at that and they are both at each others necks to perform The GREATEST Magic Trick, with Michael Caine as their so to speak magical Godfather. They both possess different personalities Bale playing a more creative magician with ideas and creativity and Jackman playing a good magician with the art of enticing an audience into his magical feats.

Their rivalry goes into madness and their madness leads to creativity and the thirst for performing the greatest magic trick increases as the movie progresses. I would have to stop here because I don't want to spoil this movie for the many moviegoers who haven't had a chance to experience this movie.

My thoughts
I left the movie's feeling that the movie was superbly acted; acted so well that it convinced me of their madness and their thirst to improve on their magical abilities. But, it also made me realize what Nolan did, he directed a movie where the conclusion is something you'd debate over for hours. He did this with Momento and he amazed us with storytelling in Batman. This movie shows us how he has grown as a director and a story teller. My hat's off to you Mr. Nolan. I hope the next Batman: The Dark Knight can keep up with the pace you have generated.

More about Bond...

2006-12-11T18:15:00.000+05:30

Okay, I know people must be saying enough already when I talk about this but I was just thinking through Casino Royale and what was the one thing that left me so to say incomplete. I thought about the why's, the if's and the but's and the most interesting fact of the matter is in spite of Casino Royale being one of my favorite Bond movies there was something missing to it...

Let's do a little bit of historical Bond visits, Dr. No, Connery kills bad guy end of Bond. The living daylights... bad guy dies, Die another day... bad guy dies. In spite of the amount of action and murderous Bond we were introduced to with Daniel Craig no head honcho died.

So here's the hunch, I believe in Casino Royale part II, where Bond will be a bit more vengeful and a lot more colder we will see the head honchos death; whoever that person is. Most probably we might see a revisit to the MI6 campus since the internal leaks for this Government run agency were a bit too many and I think M might actually be somehow type casted as the new villain.

*pause for glorious Bond theme*

Well unfortunately M would be this sweet little ol' spy lady who will be in grave distress and rescued by the infamous Double-O-Seven. Should be looking at some wackier plot twists in the coming Bond and the final chapter to the Casino Royale that we actually felt was over with an unsuccessful event at closing the books the first time around.

Men and their anti-social behaviors

2006-11-29T20:55:00.000+05:30

In my 26 years so far I have observed that the women-kind have this habit of going to the loo together. I failed to understand why... but one day in the twilight zone I did understand. Women go to the loo together for this excellent moment of bonding. Be it girl talk, where the topic of their conversations can range from favorite tampons to Brad Pitt or even what they had for lunch. Most popular topic for women in the zone is themselves, their shoes, their ass, their clothes, their purse and their male accessory. Anything goes for the ladies in the region where men are not allowed to visit.

Now, the women I know well have always asked me this question, "Why don't men go to the loo together?" I didn't think about it much, but I think I have finally figured it out. The answer is rather simple, we are homophobic egotistical creatures who want that CORNER, trust me you will understand.

Unlike women who when they want to take care of their business are able to visit the loo and enter a private zone, in their personal toilets, us men stand in line and face this wall with a little baby basket like thing called the "urinal." This is where every man gets to live their childish fantasy of being an army commander and plays this game of "steady, aim and fire."

Exciting moments those, but that still doesn't explain why the loner approach to the bathroom visits.

Now this is what actually happens, when a guy has to visit the loo he mentally calculates the probability of the number of urinals that exist in the restroom. Once he believes that the restroom may have enough options, he then decides the location of where he goes about his business. Here is where the problem is, every guy loves to go in that isolated corner to pee, its just the most private area a guy can visit. The rest is a bit of a manhood showing fiesta, can't take chances there. Thereby, we have now limited every man's favorite location to be the corner urinal. Therefore, we cannot visit the restroom with someone else, then it would be a fight for the survival of the fittest, who gets that corner. Us men, we don't like competition, so we can't go with someone in there.
Our next estimate is lets say there is a group of 6 guys and the restroom has 5 urinals. Here, we have another problem... the leader of the clan goes first, and then hes favored followers and the weakest link goes last. No man likes to be a follower, everyone wants that corner (please see theory 1.)
Taking the same situation we have the homophobic man theory, where the homophobic man takes every man's shoe size into account (ladies have this formula, big nose/big feet/ big hands/ big ears = one ugly man = big down there). Now similarly every man has that thought ingrained in their heads, and if I do not possess big feet I may have an insecurity complex if someone checked my tool's out. If I possess big feet, I would be wary of someone trying to take a mental image of my tool home. WE DON'T LIKE EITHER.

Thereby, competition and homophobia has made man an antisocial animal, and perhaps we have to make this a community affair to visit the restroom like you womenfolk, but unfortunately, we have nothing really to talk about, but if we did; we'd talk about the same things you women do - YOU WOMEN, your shoes, your ass and your uhm accessories.

My Happy Meal - Casino Royale - I'm Lovin' It

2006-11-25T23:11:00.000+05:30

Woooo Hoooo.... James Bond finally seen, small baby achievements in my life can definitely make me happy. Seeing Bond at his best can outlive my Superman excitement, and I thought I was happy to see Superman back *shucks*

Sorry Supe's I was happier seeing Bond.

The Review

James Bond starts of wild, full of excitement, the movie is made like opening a bottle of champagne. Starts with a pop, glasses get filled, *cheers*, the next serving of champagne and eventually the party is over. And Boy was that some good champagne.

The most exciting moment in the movie is definitely "The Chase." Not one of your typical chases where one imagines a car chase, a cop and robber chase. It was more like a chase between an athlete, who could run and create some ooh's, aaah's and Holy Cow's and a man determined to get his trophy. Amazing.

It had some typically amazing Bond moments, the women, the drama the intrigue. My hats off to Martin Campbell, and may he do a couple more Bond's.

Conclusion

Wow, amazing this was perhaps Bondimonium at it's best, everyone who says that this Bond needed work has to also consider 2006 as a year when I have visited the movies the least (6 times) and Bond drew me to the movies and then made me leave with a smile on my face.

Didn't happen too often this year. If Hollywood could deliver a movie like Bond a bit more frequently, I believe piracy may just turn obsolete. A must watch and a must buy... My Royale with Cheese - Casino Royale.

To "BOND-ly" go where no man has gone before

2006-11-22T14:19:00.000+05:30

"The name is Bond, James Bond." - I am sure every man who has some sense of suspense, mystery, drama and perhaps even humour has tried saying this line in front of the mirror. I say most because my friends claim they have tried it.

Honestly, I lack the confidence of the Bond regime and perhaps cannot stand in front of the mirror to say it to myself. Just not Bond material enough I guess.

So what does it take to become Bond? I thought about this question for quite a while, Bond is perhaps this charismatic man who can speak in dialogue's that give room to double meanings. Perhaps that's what it was, or was it the fact that it is a man who can look good in a tux, and have the confidence of using goofy gadgets. I really don't know what makes Bond, so to say Bond.

Another Bond Another Day - Judging by the fact Bond has spread over the past 4 and a half decades makes one think Bond is an evolutionary character, more perhaps like Madonna (the singer, not the work of art). I believe so since we've seen Bond evolve from Sean Connery to Brosnan, while Madonna has evolved from disco to dance.

Sean Connery played Bond as a serious character, who believed in what he did and was confident of it too, while Brosnan was rather suave, smooth talker with a slightly Yankee style confidence. No offence to the actors, all are perhaps excellent Bond's in someones eyes. Just the personality has evolved for Bond, in spite of the drink still being a Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred.

Now, I stand at the next phase of Bond evolution, Daniel Craig, who brings with him the acting ability and the cocky confidence he portrayed in Layer Cake. I know I know lot of people said Layer what?? and most perhaps read this on www.imdb.com, but for a movie buff this is an excellent movie. When he was cast as Bond I decided to find out what the lovely people at Sony, MGM and EON were thinking and after viewing some of his work in Munich and a lot more of it in Layer Cake, I ended up convinced.

Sony released a whole slew on Bond-i-nized products, cellphones, laptops, camera. I guess Bond is now a Sony fan. I wish Bond could get some more style in his body than endorsing Sony products, but hell when Sony say Bond do, is what has become of it. I guess this time Bond will be using a W800 or W950 and waiting to catch the bus, cause that's what the phone is portrayed to do enjoy what you do. Perhaps Bond will be jolly, listening and humming show tunes, while waiting for the bus or an Aston Martin.

Bond-i-monium
Well Bangalore is currently suffering from Bondimonium, this new kind of disease I have discovered where every individual is talking about the Bond fever. Bond this, Bond that, while the Bond that really would make sense is Bondage. But I guess the simple folks of Bangalore enjoy the simple things in life.

So tomorrow I'm picking up my Sony W800i and dress in my tuxedo and wait for some Aston Martin to pick me up. I hope to catch the movie over the weekend, since Bond is almost everyone's childhood friend, who allows us boys to enjoy the times we thought like boys with action, drama and adventure. Getting the wrong women, with the right attitude after all we are all Boys with Toys, who would love to be super spy's.

Till next time...

Superman Revisited

2006-11-05T19:56:00.000+05:30

Earlier in my blog I had posted an article titled Superman V: Balls of Steel, that post mainly had to do with my views on how I perceived Superman. However, I must be honest that Superman is most definitely one of my favorite superhero's.

Unlike our friendly neighborhood Spiderman, who's worries normally consist of dilemma's of daily life. Superman is a much more iconic character... That is he stands tall for good of mankind and perhaps one of the core reasons why we love Superman so much.

I remember having promised in my last Superman piece that I would have my thoughts on Superman. I had serious doubts in my mind since Superman initially felt like an amazing masterpiece when it came to special effects. Now, since the release I have watched the movie about 4 times and finally have come to a conclusion on my thoughts about this movie.

The previews for the Superman movie show us Superman saving a plane from crashing, which is most definitely one of my favorite scenes, since the end of that scene had me feeling happy. I have been a fan of Superman since childhood and have read the comics, watched the cartoons, seen the movies... The works. At the end of that scene I felt a sense of happiness that Superman was back... The man definitely knows how to make an entry. The whole scene has everyone cheering for Superman and the fact that he is back, tears of joy rolled down my face to see Superman then.

The movie talks about Superman, and his return from planet Krypton, the decisions he has made in his life and the result of those decisions. I believe the best aspect of this movie is the fact that Superman is at the end of the day a man. One who makes mistakes, yet stands for what he believes is right and does exactly that.

At the end of the movie, when he saves us again and we hope that he continues to do so over and over again. Superman makes us fall in love with SuperHero's and some of the best story telling in a while. We hope this continues and Superman continues at what he does best.... Saving the World :)

A Community Service Message for Vampires

2006-09-30T13:11:00.000+05:30

Well ever since Bram Strokers Dracula, I have been facinated by the thought of Vampires. Vampires are these bunch of creatures that in the movies have always been facinating cause of their amazing sex drive, thurst for beauty and an appealing sense of Eastern European charm. I've watched a couple of movies about Vampires from Interview with a Vampire to Blade.

When Wikied, a vampire is defined as, "Vampires are mythological or folkloric creatures, typically held to be the re-animated corpses of human beings and said to subsist on human and/or animal blood. They are also the frequent subject of cinema and fiction, albeit fictional vampires have acquired a set of traits distinct from those of folkloric vampires. In folklore, the term usually refers to the blood-sucking undead of Eastern European legends, but it is often extended to cover similar legendary creatures in other regions and cultures. Vampire characteristics vary widely between different traditions. Some cultures have stories of non-human vampires, such as animals like bats, dogs or spiders."

Funny how they don't mention the sex part. I mean every Vampire movie that I have watched has been a semi-erotic film a bad one definitely, but are vampires looking for sex, new and unexplored ways to have sex and converting people. Judging by whatever television knowledge I have gained over the past few years I have learnt that AIDS is a very scary disease and something people should be wary off.

One of my prime concerns for vampire folk if they are out there is to be careful of AIDS too, which can spread via unprotected sex or blood transfusion activities. Since, one of the most common things they do is drugs and sex. I believe these vampire people should be worriedthey can get AIDS after all.

Shouldn't they be worried, I mean what if a Vampire got AIDS, would he be looked down on by the so called elder Vampires. I can imagine Daddy Vampire going, I told you to be careful this is not good for you, you've spoilt our name in the community. Bad Baby Vampire Bad Bad!!!

So, since my concern for the vampire community is so heartfelt I believe if anyone wants to become a vampire please take u'r creator to the nearest hospital have him AIDS tested and if things go smoothly then get bitten.

This was a community service message from Dorkster2000@BlogSpot.

Where does men and women are 'equal" go wrong

2006-09-15T09:33:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time a long-long time ago, there used to be these bunch of people who felt that men are superior to women. "Why pray tell would men be superior to women?" is what a modern feminist says. Well rumour has it back in the day men claimed since they did so much more to bring home the bacon and put food on the table, a shelter over their heads and some candle sticks for electricity (please refer to the statement - a long-long time ago) men were therefore superior.

Fast-forward this is where I think a bunch of lesbians who had a problem with this inequality that existed created a revolution and decided women henceforth have to be equal to men and therefore had laws created 4 seats for women on parliament, women can work in companies or sue the damn companies for not hiring women, pregnancy benefits etc.

Great, maybe back then we needed women to feel special. I believe all those men who made these rules were given some royal kind of treatment; If you know what I mean ;). Well if we had to picture it in some way we could perhaps look at afterhours at the playboy mansion. So I guess Heffner is one of those people who has helped women greatly and now has all his whims and fancies being given back to him. From Heffner what we can understand is that he has helped woman-kind by making them into sexual objects than can control us men-folk and who in turn are controlled by this man we know as Heff.

So now it is clear that this movement was definitely supported by the Playboy Mansion, perhaps other folks picked up on the idea later, but I am definitely putting my money on Playboy.

Now when was the last time any of us went on a date? If it was recent I am sure you will understand this one very well. If you go out with a woman, since i dont' understand gay relationships very well, I will not be commenting on it. On a typical date one would see a happy flirty couple where the man walks forward opens the door, pulls the chair, seats the chick, feeds the chick, pays the bill and gets what; a peck on the cheek. Girls think sweet, romantic, ideal, perfect; how does the boy feel - CHEATED.

Do you know why?? go back to the caveman era, where you have men and women walking around with bones. Man takes bone whack womans head - Gets what he wants. Now the whole wine and dine experience - sheesh. Lemme tell you this - I love good food with good company, but if the woman is equal she can pull her own chair, open her own god damn door and feed her fucking self. That is equality!!!

How I wish for the CaveMan Era. :(

(In the loving memory of the Flinstones - Fred, Barney, Wilma, Bam Bam, Dino)

Balls of Steel: Superman V

2006-06-26T14:44:00.000+05:30

With Superman finally on the verge of being released, I have decided to give some space on my little blog to that iconic character loved worldwide and is called Superman.

What do we know about Supe? My Jewish Superman theory.

Lets see little alien boy from planet Krypton makes it to earth into the Kent home. Doesn't look green therefore authorities are not contacted in order to conduct tests on the little baby boy that has arrived. From the TV series "Smallville," we understand that all of Superman's villians are derivatives of his landing fiasco. Weird, wonderful and we are suckered into believing it.

Superman, wants to be a journalist.. great Clark Kent donning nerdy glasses is magically transformed by tossing away his spectacles away and now wearing a Pepsi bottle uniform. Even Batman has a more classy look in tights he wears blacks, but Superman has to be all cocky knowing he is invincible to almost everything he wears the famous Blue and Red combo... of course made famous by Pepsi.

I consider this my Jews supporting Jews theory. Superman's creators... Jews, Pepsi owners .... Jews. Therefore like other Jews, Superman also travels to America to become successful.

Shouldn't Superman suffer from Multiple-Personality Disorders?

Superman is definately one of the few characters who had his powers bestowed upon him at birth. Unlike Spiderman, Batman, Robin or whatever the case may be, Superman is a quiet, domicile person as Clark and of course Superman otherwise.

Superman has been like this from birth. I believe it would be interesting to see Superman suffering from MPD in the long run and creating enough problems for himself to solve.

Perhaps Superman VI could be Superman facing himself, like Edward Norton and Brad Pitt in the Fight Club. Even Lex would run to mommy.

Conclusion

I am a Superman fan at the end of the day. But only if my theories can be put to rest by actually seeing them on the screen. Looking forward to the weekend, when Superman actually gets reviewed. Best of Luck saving the world Superman :)

Lord of War

2006-06-03T04:10:00.000+05:30

Nic Cage back in a somewhat action movie genre. Cool.. but this is not u'r typical Nic Cage movie. I guess none of them really are typical Nic Cage movies.

Lets get to the meat of it, shall we ? Great.. The movie is about the making of a weapons trafficker. One who wants to become a Lord of sorts. Man plays a Ukrainian expat whose family moves from ex-Soviet Union to the Land of the Free. The family tries to hide their communist past by convincing people that they are Jewish. Basically, they transition from bad to worse in terms of ethnic situations.

Nicolas is sick of his life and decides to change it during a shoot-out he observes and decides to sell weapons and become a big fish in the industry. When he does decide to take up something so disturbing he drags in the one person he trusts the most his brother. Great when u'r ready to fuck up your life... You decide to make it a group event by dragging in your own flesh and freakin' blood.

He marries the model of his dreams, who unlike what we normally portray models to be is a wannabe housewife. Whaaaa... I would have loved to see him being dragged by some snot-nosed model.. It just makes sense. And the movie goes on...

What did I think of this? Fun movie, catchy dialogues and an interesting one watch. This definitely wasn't one of the best acting performance movie, but definitely a learning experience on how the criminal mind works and what it takes to really function and succeed at that level. I think the best thing a new and upcoming criminal can learn from this is the ability to divulge in their luxury lifestyle... Get a phat pad, chick of your dreams and partayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Watch it become a criminal... If you succeed remember me :)

xXx State of the Union - another action flick NOT PORN

2006-04-24T21:24:00.000+05:30

xXx, another porn movie people would assume and with State of Union on it, definitely sounded pornographic. Very ummm groupie porn. Anyways...

First things first the man with the deep voice Vin Diesel hes not there, instead hes substituted by this lil' Black dude named Ice Cube. Great, no Diesel get ICE CUBEs. What kind of a name is Ice Cube anyway...

So now that the big issue is out there in the open, I have a few questions about this movie. What in the world happened to Samuel L Jackson's scar. He mentions visiting a plastic surgeon, but it felt like he met Michael Jackson's surgeon cause that face wasn't really fixed.

Great so we have pimp rides and lots of black people, even the semi black Vin Diesel is gone, the only thing white left in the movie is faggot gadget boy.

All that was the bad news, here's the good news whatever you hated about the first movie is really relived in this movie, bad became worse etc.. Isn't that amazing, I remember walking out of the first one going "mindless action, good for the soul." Better than that chicken soup rubbish anyways.

So, once I was done with xXx the final comment that came out of me was not yuck, ech or any negative comment. It was "WoW," thinking how did I sit through it. Try it sometime, amazed me.

Basic Instinct 2: Old Hag plays Erotic Novelist again.... BLAH!!!

2006-04-24T10:18:00.000+05:30

Last night I watched Basic Instinct 2: Shit Happens. I watched the movie expecting it to be an erotic thriller, similar to Basic Instinct (BI).

Opening scene: Stone driving and getting fingered. Not bad gives us poor desperate souls some reasonably kinky ideas. That's when shit hits the ceiling... She's not in San Francisco anymore. The place where any kind of sexuality roams free. Fine Fine.. So She's in jolly ol' England.

What are we doing here, writing another book. Woman you need to get laid, not write another book. So okay, this time She's on trial, gets a psych.. and this time its his happiness thats getting screwed. Alrighty then.

Overall, similar premise, just lousier actors and wrinkly Stone acting all cool. That I can't live with. Its like finding out your grandmother has a secret sexual life that is so cool. Perhaps at her age the movie did justify the lack of sexual activity compared to the first, but definitely not to the masses that admire the first movie as one of the most creative erotic thrillers in the list.

Stone might win another Razzie, after her amazing performance in CatWoman, as the evil make-up lady with the concrete face. This was just bad, and grand motherly disappointing.

Bangalore: Raj Kumar Crisis

2006-04-24T09:53:00.000+05:30

Holy Crap, Raj Kumar died!!!! Who the fuck is he ? The guy Veerappan kidnapped. Aaaah...
(Actual Conversation on the death of Raj Kumar)

Death of an actor called "Brother" by many can be a crisis in a city called Bangalore. Anyways the man died, city rioted cause Big Brothers corpse couldn't be seen by many. Burnt bus's, buildings, beat the shit out of the police hmmm.

The corrupt cops got beat up... awesome blossom. Perhaps they didn't deserve it but it happened. Now continuing from the lousy Rang De Basanti review. These people can get together to fight law cause of an actors death. Holy shit, that movie did make a point. Do it for your needs I guess.

Anyways, thank the Lords, Amitabh and Shah Rukh didn't die that day. Else there would be a revolution in Pakistan as well.

Rang De Basanti... Time to Change

2006-03-27T21:21:00.000+05:30

Amazing, maybe. Breathtaking, maybe.

Rang De Basanti. Hmmm... one asks themselves what was so great about this movie.

A movie about friendship, lost teenagers, people who don't know what they want in life. But the movie eventually revolves around the idea of Fighting, Fighting for one's desires, freedom, what's right... A lesson learnt from history perhaps.

In an India of politics, corruption and unfortunate silence. The movie was interesting and perhaps means a lot more to a person who felt themselves "found" after watching this movie. The movie definately has a deep theme to it, and I believe the serious route was avoided on purpose.. perhaps to avoid breeding the idea of terrorism in the uneducated Indian mind.

After watching a string of movies on simpler ideals like Swades this movie also tries to achieve a so called "Awakening." Similar in many ways to the real life incidents vitnessed in the movie, one may actually feel the Protests of 1989 at Tiananmen Square would have been enough. Just watching the incident at Tiananmen, makes the hair down my back stand at attention.

I think the movie deserves credit for using a historical approach, a message well placed; however, it is difficult to say the movie was amazing.

For me Good would be more than enough. After all the target audience were the dumb, who'd never speak.

Syriana: Boldly done.

2006-03-27T20:54:00.000+05:30

Recently, have been going over the Oscar's list. Hmmm.... George Clooney won for Syrianna. Gotta watch this is what I said to myself and so I did.

The movie is interesting and I'm sure you've read a lot... Blah, oil and gas,..., American Govt., Blah, Arabs..., terrorism, Blah. Movie went over everything, from the birth of a terrorist, the American involvement in making more oil their's, the Arab's being used like Arabs for their wealth and more.

If one had to simply appreciate the movie for what it had to offer, it would be the bold statement, the recent circumstances in the Middle-East, and where the American's stand in this need for power environment. The movie's release could never be at a better time, with King Fahd, the Saudi King; the Kuwaiti Amir, Sheikh Saad's demise.

Perhaps the movie did not offer truth, as one may call it. But it did offer perhaps a glimpse into the future. The Middle East may not have been the best place to live, but this movie offered a perspective....a perspective on where the conditions stand.

I have lived in Kuwait, and I understand the mentality of the people. After the Gulf War, the Kuwaiti's were initially happy with the support received from the American's. But eventually, as time faded and the greed did not stop, the Kuwaiti's appeared to be disturbed by the overall "Oil for Peace" deal. Kuwait was pehaps the 53rd State, after Canada and England. The recent deaths and the movie release makes one think.

I guess any news on "Oil for Peace," news getting renewed may make this movie seem a bit more realistic than what Oil Companies call an amusing movie and not the truth.

Oil for Peace my friends. Oil for Peace...

Chucky and the Choco Factory

2006-03-27T20:40:00.000+05:30

Recently, I watched this movie called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Wonderful, I said to myself.. should be a pleasure to watch Johnny Depp and Co. in a movie by Tim Burton again.

Surprise! Surprise! Reviews can be shockingly off sometimes. The movie shows us the twisted side of Tim Burton's brain again and the question one can ask is, is it good, bad or ugly? The answer is simple If a Johnny Depp + Tim Burton fan the movie is very well made. It goes through pretty much every element the book actually covers unlike the Disney version of the Chocolate Factory, which was a happy-go-lucky attempt at film making. Unfortunately, for those amongst us who have seen this movie after watching the Disney classic one may feel its too cartoonish and can't imagine watching Tim Burton's vision being under 12. I guess the fear factor is not being able to eat chocolate again. Every child's heavenly food.

However, this movie was dark, twisted and unbelievably funny.. if your sense of humour is weird that is. I believe what I am trying to say is that this movie is definately a decent one watch... wouldn't pay money for it at the movies, not exactly my bread and butter for this film. But, definately one can enjoy this movie.. for vision, perception and definately Tim Buton's ever twisted vision.